Easily Inspired - Deeply Admired

Midnight Foreverness

2009-12-22T11:27:00.000-08:00

Midnight Foreverness

All it took was two and a half months of romance.

Movies, dinner, billiards, and a NBA game.
Two nights of passion filled grown-up stuff and I'm hooked on his drug.

I like to call it Midnight Foreverness. One glance in his eyes and I was addicted. So many conversations in which we learned how much we were a like (some ended in debates) and i grew fearless.

Love has failed me once, but maybe love has come back to apologize or perhaps offer me something better. Something special, a hidden passion that is unbreakable. Midnight Foreverness.

It feels so good. Sometimes, it feels like a dream. One that is too good to be true. I pull myself to the side sometimes and say, "Self don't you get caught up. Slow down. You are falling for him faster than ever before. You better check yourself". But, I don't want to check myself. It feels so right.

When he calls or arrives later than expected, I panic. I think my prince charming has found another or is interested in another. I said I'm addicted... I can't survive a withdraw! I'm already anticipating a heart break because the game of love is like a lottery game. Millions can win, but only a few actually do.

I already envision our future though. He wants to live the "good life" and so do I. One that is filled with glamour, vacations, family, and stress-free fun. Ahhh... sounds wonderful. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but I got my fingers crossed!

Signing off in love...

2009-09-07T23:02:00.000-07:00

Being a Teenager

Living is stressing you out and now you understand why adults always say, "Don't grow up too fast." or "I wish I was young again." School is becoming demanding and your parents are arguing more than usual. Your first love have found a new love and it's hard to deal. You begin to separate yourself from your childhood friends because they keep up a lot of drama.
You callout for help, but no one understands.

Dear Diary,

2009-08-25T16:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I'm trying to smoothen out the lump in my heart and just when I thought I was getting by and doing the right thing you do little things to taunt me. I guess that is proof how immature you are. Okay, you have a girlfriend. That's great! Why are you rubbing it in my face? You claim that you are happy, yet you throw me these signs like that isn't so. Or maybe it's a delusion and it's all in my head. No, it's not all in my head! It's true. Why must we go there?

You Bring Joy to My Life

2009-05-10T18:39:00.000-07:00

You bring joy to my life,
ease to my smile,
and happiness to my soul.
It's a feeling that stays for a while.
My heart flutters when you call.
Everyday I long to hear your voice
And to learn something new about you.
Your personality is sweeter than candy,
but don't get on your bad side
Because you can be as fierce as a lion.
But besides that,
No one never showed me as much attention as you
Your companionship is priceless
And you honestly care.
You'll do anything to help someone in need.
And for that I like your flaws and all.

Your motivation is evident in everything you do.
You are a go-getta and I see my reflection in you.
For some reason I already feel connected to you.
And if for whatever reason...
we decided to stop being friends
a tear may drop
and my heart may flop.

Sometimes I imagine us
lying in the grass starring into the rays of the sun
Then I would gaze into your sparkling eyes and all of a sudden mines would become watery
because I know 'us' would just be too good to be true.
The ending is ambiguous and its all up to you.
You can take my hand and together we can walk
battling any obstacles this thing called life may offer.
All this to say
You bring joy to my life
ease to my smile
and happiness to my soul.

2009-04-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

This is No Fairytale
by Erica

She loves him SO much. Maybe more than he realizes. If only he knew...

That she dreams about him, still. That she would do anything to see him happy. That if today or tomorrow he was sick or in the hospital, she would drop everything she was doing to be by his side. If he was paralyzed for the rest of his life, then, she would only hold him tighter, embracing him with everlasting love.

She care so much not only because she wants him to care for her, but because it does something for her soul. It satisfies her and make her feel alright inside. She has that "teenage love" for him. In class, she wanders off thinking, how would it be to have his last name and to mother his children someday. If only his love was reciprocal and they were in sync with each other, then, this love story will have a fairytale ending, but of course that is not the situation.

She often go back in time, when they were seeing eye-to-eye and think what did she do to lose that connection. You know...maybe if she re-track her steps and what she did wrong, then maybe she'll see what she had done wrong time after time. Because deep down inside she would like to change some of the past. She would like to fix those mistakes she had made and replace them with a gratitude. Instead, of always going on with a nagging, accusing, tough girl attitude. Don't judge her though. Know that she is living and learning.

You may ask what keeps her going strong.? Her answer, "The optimistic feeling of hope." She hopes that one day things would happen in her favor. She wishes she didn't rip that diary up of all their memories because it still has a possibility of being turned into a fairytale story.

After two years of a therapist telling her to let it go, she continues to love. How could she let someone go that she carried in her spirit with her for so many years. It's like losing a best friend. She just wouldn't be able to cope. So, how does she cope? She live in the moments that have once taking her breath away. She reminisces and damn it feels SO good. To be continued...

Boy am I crazy or am I boy-crazy?

2009-02-22T18:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Boy am I crazy or am I boy-crazy?

Mr. R**** is the Muslim who wants to marry me. I don't think I can began to think about marriage can't even commit to a relationship. Anyways, my ideal boyfriend is definitely not a vendor who sales oils on 52nd street. And the fact that he already have a child makes my stomach churn. Yes, I do have high standards, but why do I continue to talk to him and not move on? Well, I'll admit it. Mr. R**** is actually a nice guy, but I guess he's just not for me.

Mr. D**** is an old boyfriend. I just recently caught up with him. Our first conversation since we became reunited was off the hook and it lasted about 3 hours. We now talk on a regular basis. It's getting weird though. Now, that my feelings for him are slowly coming back and the fact that he HAS A GIRLFRIEND just makes me all confused. He had the nerve to say he don't really want to be with her. What? He must think I'm some type of fool. You know that saying .. . If there's a will there's a way? Well, here's my saying . . . If there's a way then there's a will. I need to remember that we fell off for a reason and not dig up old bones. It's so hard because he's so sweet.

Mr. C********** is someone I met late December 2008. Nice guy, but either he's not interested in me or he's more interested in someone else. He "claims" I'm his girlfriend, but it's funny because I talk to him through a text message twice a week and I see him every other week. I just need to let that go.

Mr. C**** is like the love of my life. He's the only guy I ever feel in love with and even though we haven't been together, happily-in a long time. I still got this love for him that seems to never decease. How can I let him go?

Mr. K***** is the definition of immature. He asked me to be his girlfriend last night and I laughed at him. He is so annoying and every time I talk to him he reminds me how immature and irresponsible he his. Please lose his number girl.

Mr. T******* is someone I had a huge crush on for about six months. Then, we became neutral, but now it seems like he says and does things to make me dislike him. Now, T******* got it going on! Works for C******, attends Community College, he's cute, and he is sweet and very respectful. He's the guy a girl can take home to her dad and all her brothers if you know what I mean. Too bad he's not looking for a girlfriend because I would be the first to sign up. lol

Mr. S***** is the 28 year old that has been talked about in the last couple posts. I don't think he needs any more fame.

Well ... here's my diary.

I Screwed Up and Only I Can Right My Wrongs

2008-12-21T21:50:00.000-08:00

Just a summer crush. You know... One of those crushes that are only fun when he doesn't know you like him. And the minute he finds out, your feelings for him become sour. Too bad reality struck a little too late though.

You know, I feel like a damn fool for dating this a guy. When I dated him, I swore I was top shit. He was fond as all hell. I'm talking 6'1'', smooth caramel complexion, medium brown eyes, waves from the Pacific Ocean, muscular arms, and a six pack to go along with it. His swagger was crazy and he was well respected everywhere we went.

I remember... he would be washing the dishes and he would be wearing only a wife beater. I would daydream thinking about his strong muscular arms and how it would feel if I was wrapped in them. Damn I would feel so secure and wouldn't want him to let me- okay enough with all that.

The truth is I "F" ed up. He obviously wasn't the one for me or anyone . . . may I add? My future consists of a stress-free family, a big beautiful house, a jet black puppy/dog, and a fire engine red car. That dream he was not going to be able to help me fulfill even 10%.

Well, the bottom line is I screwed up big time. I put my relationship with my brother in jeopardy for this guy, which was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I wish I could swallow my pride, apologize, and ask him if I can move back in. It has been about six months and within that time frame all I accomplished was an apology.

Dear Brother,
I'm sorry, brother. I know I screwed up. Big time. It will never happen again because no guy is worth losing you over. After seeing how much you really love me by getting over the situation and accepting me back into your life, I have developed this new respect for you. When we stopped communicating because of the situation, I was so hurt. If there was anything in the world I wanted at that time or needed at that time, then it was you. I love you, brother. I need you, brother. Can I have another chance? Can I come back home? Please?

Love WOOG

I'm Talking Baggage!

2008-10-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

OMG! He Has Four Kids and One On The Way.

I don't know what I was thinking or what I was on at the time. What made me get so emotionally involved with someone who could only please me physically? Perhaps was it his strong muscular arms, his smooth caramel skin, his warm brown eyes, or his glowing smile. Or could it have been my loneliness pressing me to get with someone or my hormones running wild? Could it have been his motivation to take care all his kids instead of running, like most men do? Maybe, it is a combination of all these things, but that's beside the point.

How could I've let a situation as such swallow me up like this? I mean . . . I'm attached. Not that we're still together, but we are close friends- too close of friends. It's like we're still together. So, why do I keep him around? He comforts me and I don't feel lonely at all when he's around. But let's face it Erica . . .

He's 28 Years Old, Works

at Burger King, and Lives

with His Momma!

What can a guy like him possibly do for a young, beautiful, 18 year old, college girl like me? He obviously has too many responsibilities and not enough money and time to go around. So what advice would you offer me? Drop his a** like a bad habit? Huh, easy for you to say. Someday, all of this will get old and you will see me dropping him like a bad habit, but for now I refuse to like go. Not that I can't. It's just that I don't want to. I just rather have Mr. Baggage in my life instead of no one. Sounds crazy right? That saying, "I can do bad all by myself" comes to mind, right? Well, I can do bad all by myself, but I just choose not to. Unless a really attractive, mature, honest, respectful, goal oriented, no kids having, no wife having, good job having man comes my way. But until then I'm staying put.

I'm Talking Baggage!

Self-esteem and Relationships

2008-04-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

What is it with guys who feel like they are just not good enough for a woman? Self-esteem is a b**** when you really love someone, but they are not happy with themselves to truly love you back. I guess we all have this idealized self and expectations for ourselves that allows us to miss out on some good relationships because we have low self-esteem.

"I don't have anything to offer you." (Not that I asked you for anything.)

"Oh you are so perfect. You have goals, you're smart, and you're beautiful, but . . . I'm not." (Yes you are and why must we compare anyway?)

"I'm sorry I don't meet your requirements." (I never told you about any requirements.)

Okay I know psychologist say you have to be on the same level as your partner in order to feel elevated or in sync with each other, but damn aren't there some exceptions?? Are you allowed to feel this way at eighteen or nineteen years old? Life is just beginning and you are already feeling incompetent. I guess for some guys it's apart of being a "man" or wanting to feel like a "man".

I guess everyone wants to be independent, but you have to balance it with interdependence (help from others). If you need it and I have it, then it's yours. Money is not a big issue for me, but some people are afraid that if they depend too much on a person then their partner will become a control freak, but that is not necessarily true.

Honestly, I believe if you love someone and they love you then, that's all that matters. Of course you would have to love yourself and care about yourself before you can have those feelings for someone else.

Prolonged self-esteem issues triggers high levels of anxiety and insecurity. Is he jealousy that I am a little more successful than he is or is he afraid that because I am on higher level than him that I may leave him for someone better than him? Well, he damn sure not jealous. He just panics when he feel like our relationship is being threaten.

So what do you do when you are having these relationship issues? I guess by spending time with each other and having conversations to make the other person feel securely attached. I would say it is best to resolve these issues early on in a relationship because it will constantly come up in some shape or form when addressing other issues. And of course if the situation gets severe take advantage of relationship counseling. If one doesn't work try another one. You would hate to walk out of a relationship and look back on the situation and say what if we had tried this . . . would it have worked? Try all the possible alternatives before giving up. That's only if you TRULY LOVE that other person.

Here's a great website if you are seeking relationship counseling. http://www.councilforrelationships.org/

It’s Called a Relapse

2008-01-24T17:42:00.000-08:00

It’s Called a Relapse

The other day I found myself giving in. I called the guy that I claimed I was through with to tell him I was sorry and I missed him. Even though it revealed that I am sentimental and vulnerable, I didn’t care. It felt like I was withdrawing from a strong addiction and I just had to get just one more hit. All I wanted was to call him and hear his voice again to satisfy my impulse. Damn, I do sound crazy . . . psychotic.

I am really beginning to understand how powerful an addiction can be and how Freud’s psychosexual theory helps to explain it. It’s my superego (moral principles) that often tells me to let him go, but my id (sexual and aggressive impulses) takes over because my impulses are obviously stronger than my moral principles. I can now understand my lack of equilibrium (balance) is due to the fact that my superego and my id are in constant disagreement. Somehow, I feel sorry for my poor ego (reality-orientated functions) that is often forced to be embarrassed by such an imbalance. It’s called a relapse so I guess my next remedy is a rehab (counseling) because I don't want to be this person anymore. Pray for me.

When We First

2008-01-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

When We First

When we first met
I knew you were the one.
When we first conversed
Boy, was it fun.
When we first hugged
I knew we were in love.
When we first kissed

I knew it was those lips I would miss.

When you first sucked on my body

I knew you I had to have inside me.

When you first told me you loved me

I knew I wanted you to be my hubby.

When we first got married
Boy, was I happy.

I Rise Pledge

2008-01-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise.

-Maya Angelou

My New Year's Pledge

I am making a pledge to myself to rise high and go beyond. No longer shall I believe the lies of an immature teenage boy or take heed to envious young ladies who only wish to break me. The lines of a principal telling me to settle for less because I could never afford to be educated at a private institution will continue to rewind, but someday I will be able to flash my degree and say, “Ha ha indeed I rise.” Truth is, only I can break me because I make me rise. I shall continue to make my dreams my realities because I will touch the sky. I shall not make other people’s problems my own; yet help as much as I can. I shall learn to harmonize with myself so I may have a peaceful mind. I will continue to be courageous, generous, balanced, happy, ambitious, and wise.
I rise.
I rise.
I rise.

The Destiny of All My Hopes

2008-01-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Destiny of All My Hopes

I'm the champion of my life and the conqueror of my dreams.
I'm the smiles of all my madness and the ice of all my steams.
I'm the sunshine of all my storms and the rain of all droughts.
I'm the sweets of all my bitterness and the spice of all my mildness.
I'm the flowers of the gardens and the ripest of all fruits.
I'm the sparks of all fires and the warmth of every cold human.
I'm the melody of all songs and the harmony of all lyrics.
I'm the joy of all children, yet the tears of all fears.
I'm Ali in his prime,
I'm Harriet Tubman in a new year,
The conductor of all railroads,
The captain of all ships,
The tallest statue of all,
The love of gods and goddess,
And the peace of all parts of the world,
But most of all,
I'm Erica Garner,
The destiny of my hopes,
The champion of my life,
And the conqueror of my dreams.

Love, I'm Killing Myself

2008-01-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

Love, I'm Killing Myself

I've asked for love, but now I say no thanks.
It is more than obvious that, that was not what you were willing to take.
I'm so emotional and easy to break.
So I say thanks for at least giving me the pieces back.
Yes, I played myself; hurt myself; and I am slowly killing myself inside.
I just want to go in a box and hide.
I should have known better than try and try.
It was never there, so now the pain is what I fear.
Take out the knife.
Love, I'm not ready to die.
Building myself on you drove me crazy.
How do I even begin to become a young lady again

What I Need is Love

2008-01-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

What I Need is Love

It’s what I want.
I want my professors to tell me that I am capable of all things and that I can conqueror the world if that’s my deepest desire.
I want to be adored in other places than the bedroom and pampered in other places than the beauty salon.
It’s not what I want, yet what I need.
It’s what my mind, body, and soul crave.
That feeling I may get from a baby.
So go ahead and impregnate me.
Or possibly from a man caressing my aching back.
Are you the masseuse?
It’s love.
Love!
Love from a mother who can kiss me goodnight
Or from a father who keeps his promises.
I crave the love from a friend, who wishes not to plot on me,
But to tell me she's here to help.
I crave for her to love me.
I crave for him to love me.
I need for them to love me!

A Threat to Me

2008-01-10T21:25:00.000-08:00

A Threat to Me

He’s not my father he’s a threat to me.
A lot of bad words he said to me.
“You are a bitch and a whore to me”.
Why must this be said to me?
He said, “You’re my daughter!”
Then he threatened me.
“Yes, I’m your daughter, but I’m not a child. I’m out this house!” I screamed real loud.
Again he threatened me. As I left I said, “You don’t frighten me.”
To myself I said, “He’s not my father he’s a threat to me.”

Living an Unbalanced Life

2008-01-08T18:28:00.000-08:00

Living an Unbalanced Life

Quickly shifting from love and then right back to lust,
From calling him to ignoring his phones calls,
From kissing “boo” and back to kissing wife,
From tears of anger and hopelessness to thunders of laughter,
From fights to adult discussions,
From being depended and suddenly independent.
Living an unbalanced life is when you know what you used to be and then, trying to relive it just one more time.
Since immaturity is effortless and maturity is expected, it is quite reasonable why one must mixed the two.
It’s like living a double life and having a double mind.
Since it is very risky, one must try to balance the two.
If you can put yourself on a scale and the numbers go up and down, then it is time to do some reevaluating.
Living an unbalanced life can cause you to appear uncertain or insane.
So let’s pull it together.

She's Back!

2007-12-30T19:43:00.000-08:00

She's Back! Sorry for the long vacation. :(

The Updates on Me (The Holiday Break)

School- Rosemont College

School is going great. I’m off to a good start with a total of 20 credits and a 3.4 GPA. I’m shooting for a 3.7 next semester. We’ll see how it will go. I admit it wasn’t hard, though it was a lot of work. I had to pull long hours in the library- I’m talking 11:30am-11:30pm. I’m determined and hungry, so really it doesn’t matter. I know the rule . . . no one is going to give you anything and just for that I’m taking everything. A lot of people say school is not for them, but I believe school is for me. When I say that, my friends at school call me a nerd or a geek and then 5 minutes later they are knocking at my dorm door asking me to edit their papers. It’s funny because then I get a chance to yell “dumb ass, the geek is sleep!”

The step coach asked me to come back. I am still unsure, but most likely the answer will be no because I need to stay focus. I am going back to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania (HUP) to complete another internship in the summer. Also, I have plans to take two classes at Community College of Philadelphia (CCP). I just received two more scholarships so that will pay my tuition. I’m excited and cannot wait until I’m finished.

Work- Burger King

I am home working hard as usual at the same ol’ lousy job. I can’t wait until my B-day because working for minimum wage cannot pay any bills. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to get a job paying real money until I’m legal. It’s sad that a girl in college cannot get a job that pays more than minimum wage, but I guess that is just one of the many consequences of graduating a year early from high school. So, there are thirty-seven days left in counting.

Family- The Garners

Recently, I had told my mother and my father how much I love and appreciate them. I have noticed that those are some things that I don’t tell them often. Although we have been through a whole lot, they‘ve always stuck together and tried their best. I have realized that many people cannot say that about their parents. Since I can, I thank God for that and I try to tell them I love and appreciate them more often; not just on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. When things go wrong, my mother feel as though she has failed as a mother, but I think all mothers feel that way at least once. It’s not always the parent who fails, though sometimes it’s the child. I can recall many occasions when I have failed as a child and when I think back, I tell myself if I was my child, I would have beat her a**! And as for my father, the same thing applies. My father and I have been through a lot, just me and him together, but as we grow older, we are growing closer. Due to his personal issues, he had treated me with much disrespect and due to my immaturity I had treated him similarly. Fortunately, all that is in the past and we are on good terms.

Social Life- My Friends

I’m only seventeen and a half and already I feel old. I never want to go out and party anymore. Even after I’ve gotten dressed, I flops right back on the couch and say never mind. That’s how you know when you’re getting old-when your wild-side gives in on you. I just try to keep my close friends close and the rest will eventually put me to “the left” when they find out that Erica is a dead beat at seventeen and a half. Well, it’s not that bad.

Love Life- What’s my marital status?

Another year goes pass and another year I’m single, yet still mingling. After telling myself it was me or it was them, I have came to the realization that it is neither. I’ve have figured it out! It is not meant to be yet. Yet, did you read that? My husband will come and marry me when I am good and ready. Obviously, I am far from that. I have a lot of time and I like to call that time “me time”. It is time for me to love me. So, I have been doing just that. I have been going to the gym regularly as well as the orthodontist. Since my braces are going to be on for two years that gives me plenty of “me time”. While I stay in school for another 4-6 years that gives me more than enough “me time”. The more time I have to myself, the more time I have to grow as a person. It feels damn good to see the many changes I have been through thus far. Now the journey must continue.

iAdios!
Senorita Garner

2007-11-20T08:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Lover,
Yes, I admit! I'm in Love with you. As much as I try to suppress it, as much as I try to say I love him, BUT I'm not in love with him, as much as I try to move on, as much as I think about kids, or any other guy . . . damn it's YOU that my mind drift to thinking about. Yes, I surrender. Maybe that's what I get for thinking that I was that damn strong. Unforgettable nights I miss, unforgettable kisses, yes I reminisce. And sometimes think do you ever think of me?

I even found myself stepping out of character for you-settling to be a Ms. Side Jawn only for you. You knew that wasn't me and that was the reason why I gave you hell like a baby just wanting her way. I had a reality check though. I tried to stay away so I can cleanse myself. I'm mad as hell that you know me so well . . . you said I will do this. I hate you for that! :) Yes, I love and I want to be with you! I said it so many times it is starting to sound like a cliché. So just let me know if you are ready to say hello to the man and goodbye to the Jigglo.
Sincerely, Mrs. Lover

What was His Motive?

2007-11-18T21:30:00.000-08:00

I often wonder . . . what was his motive? Was it to prove his manhood, to satisfy an addiction, or perhaps to provide for his family? I was rob of my freedom and sense of security, which meant the most to to me. I could care less about the materialistic things because they can be replaced, but will I ever have the freedom of walking while listen to music and/or talking on the phone? Will I ever have the freedom of leaving my house through the back door? Will I ever have the freedom of leaving my house after 5:00 P.M.?
Or will I ever feel secure enough to walk to the corner store alone? I now feel as if I am trapped in a box, but when you live in a world of winter, you have no choice. Being trapped in a box isn't that safe anymore. Your own home isn't a safe haven anymore thanks to many thieves. Your institution that you pay thousands of dollars for is not a safe haven anymore. Thanks to the convicts of Columbine, Virginia Tech, and many others. Your own job isn't a safe haven anymore thanks, to bank robbers, cop killers, and . . . oh yeah don't forget our infamous Dunkin Donut criminals. Your own law enforcers aren't even safe enough for you to walk with or talk with. Thanks to those dirty cops who like to molest, torture, and steal.
What was his motive or what was their motive?

Enough Cryin'

2007-11-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

Enough Cryin', My Love

It is frightening when you are with someone and you begin to say I can't live without him/her. It is devastating, yet unbelievable when the two, that once was a whole, separates. It is amazing how you can sit around waiting for him/her to change, thinking that one day that person will come to their senses and realize what they had was good. It is painful, confusing, and stressful when you finally come to the realization that you and him/her will never get together again.

You are constantly struggling; trying to forget your “other half” . . . that never really completed you. That “other half” that only glorified what you already knew was valuable. You may be thankful for that “other half” that picked you up when you were helpless. Though you could’ve done it all on your own. In fact, wasn’t that how things were done initially?

You can call him/her that “special someone”. And yes, that special someone can bring you so much happiness, but leave you with so much distress. That special someone can walk into your life, helping you through difficult times. However, that someone may leave footprints of hardship that you have to learn how to step over so you can get over. Yes, you can get over that bridge that separates loneliness from self-satisfaction. And yes, you will drink that water that settles for only purest. Even though, you put up a good fight to get over, you now have to give it a final gab just to move on.

So now, go head and test the waters, but remember to only drink the purest. Enough cryin’ my Love . . . it’s time for you to flap your wings again.

Let's Play Tag!

2007-10-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

It Seems As if
23 Year Old
Andrea from
"A Writer With A Voice"
Still Enjoy Playing
Kid Games Like Tag
(lol No offense Drea . . .
I love you gurl)

Yes, I Have been tagged!

The rules of this game are as followed:

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here go the facts:

1. I like to dance and model in the mirror to Beyonce's B-Day album. No, I'm not much of a dancer, but it makes me happy. I do it at least once a week.

2. I attend a Catholic/Private/All women college called Rosemont. I love it! And no, I'm not a homosexual . . . if you were wondering. I'm sorry it's just an answer to a question commonly asked when I admit that I attend an all women's institution.

3. I love reading about love, romance, and relationships. I also like writing about those subjects, although sometimes, I have no idea what I am talking about. Oops!! That slipped out.

4. I don't get menstrual cramps so I laugh at my friends. HA! HA!

5. I talk loud, especially on the phone. So what! I like to be heard and I sometimes forget how to work the volume on my mouth.

6. After, I get my hair done I like to sing in the mirror using my purple hairbrush as my microphone. Not quite a singer either. My friends think it shouldn't even be something I do in private, but I don't think I'm that bad.

7. I tend to attract many boys, but for some reason, I seem to run them all away. I didn't do it! It was his fault. Of course, it is easy to blame it on the other party.

I am tagging D. McFadden, The OE, Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T, Gangstarr Girl, That Sports Chic, MC Wit' a Day Job, and FWMJ "Rappers I Know".

Guys Are So Complicated!

2007-10-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

Guys Are So Complicated!

If you can kiss him on the first date . . . then after that first date- he is through with you.
If you can give him whatever he wants . . . then after he takes everything -he is through with you.
If you can make him laugh . . . then after your jokes get old-he is through with you.
If you can brighten up his day . . . then after the sun is down-he is through with you.
If you can watch sports with him . . . then after his boys come over-he is through with you.
If you can get his jimmy up . . . then after his jimmy goes down-he is through with you.
If you become pregnant with his baby . . . then after the baby drops-he is through with you.
If you can be his ride or die chic . . . then after the car is parked-he is through with you.
If you can give him puppy love . . . then after he becomes a dog-he is through with you.
If you can be his princess . . . then after he sees a queen -he is through with you.
If you can put up with his ish . . . then after she leaves him he'll come back to you.
If you can love him the way he wants to be loved . . . then after he becomes a real man-he will marry you.

Damn these Bugaboos!

2007-10-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

You make me want to throw my sprint out the window, tell my boss that I quit, cut up my bus pass so I can walk because you are a bugaboo . . . a bugaboo!

Okay, I know everybody have or have had at least one bugaboo - whether it was an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, a co-worker, a colleague, a friend, or even a stranger. You know . . . the type that gets under your skin every time they open their mouth and makes you want to just flip the finger. Well, if not allow me to introduce you to a few types.

Type A: The Ex-boyfriend or The Ex-girlfriend
WARNING: These types of bugaboos NEVER give up!

The person who persistently calls even after you have press the ignore button TEN times already. That person you constantly avoid until you finally surrender and answer his or her phone calls. Oh yeah . . . and I hope you are prepared to answer that first question too.

"Why weren't you answering my phone calls?" asks Mr. or Ms. "Ex" Bugaboo and
You will fallaciously respond, "I was busy. Why didn't you leave a message?"
Mr. or Ms. Bugaboo responds, "I tried, but your mail box was full."
Silently, you mummer "I wonder why?"

Again I say, Damn These Bugaboos!

Type B: The Crush

WARNING: These types of Bugaboos tend to be IMMATURE and EXTREMELY ANNOYING!

He or she may be a little too playful in the work place. Mr. or Ms. Crush gives you an excessive amount of "love taps", makes songs about you, and mocks your every word.

"Do you need me to take this blood back to the Blood Bank?" You may ask you supervisor depending on your job.
And before your supervisor answers, Mr. or Ms. Crush says, "Do you need me to take this blood back to the Blood Bank?"
"Don't mock me." You will snap back at Mr. or Ms. Crush
"Don't mock me." Mr. or Ms. Crush will repeat trying to mimic your voice and imitate your body language.
Slightly tempered, you will say "Leave me alone!"
And Mr. or Ms. Crush will mock you and say "Leave me alone!"

I repeat, DAMN THESE BUGABOOS!

Type C: The Stranger
WARNING: These types of Bugaboos are pretty SCARY, so be careful.

He or she may see you often on the train because you both ride the same train, at the same time every day. Mr. or Ms. Stranger Bugaboo will get on the train with you and sit next to you as if you two are together. Oh and you better not try to seat somewhere else because here comes Mr. or Ms. Stranger Bugaboo trying to play musical chairs. Mr. or Ms. Stranger Bugaboo will say anything to spark up a conversation so he or she can get to know you.

"Soooooo . . . you work at Footlocker huh?"
You shake your head up and down trying to avoid conversation. You think to yourself well I'm damn sure aint no referee. It's pretty obvious that I work there. I know you see me rocking this black and white strip shirt with the Footlocker logo on it clear as day.
"Do you work in the one in the gallery or the one on the streets?"
"Neither" you will lie not wanting Mr. or Ms. Stranger Bugaboo showing up at your job unannounced.
When your stop comes you are relieved to escape those repetitious questions as well as that hideous face that they come from.

For the last time, DAMN THESE BUGABOOS!!!!

And As Destiny's Child once sang,
"When You Call Me On The Phone You're Buggin' Me
When You Follow Me Around You're Buggin' Me
Everything You Do Be Buggin' Me
You Buggin' Me
You Buggin' Me
When You Show Up At My Door
You Buggin' Me
When You Open Up Your Mouth
You Buggin' Me
Everytime I See Your Face
You're Buggin' Me
You're Buggin' Me
You're Buggin' Me"

Signing off no longer aggravated, instead amused . . .

Words of Closure

2007-10-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

Words of Closure

You were my man from the grip.
I fell in love with the kiss,
But you dropped me off
when I had that insecure fit.

But when you walked into my life,
Happiness appeared

And heartbreak . . . I feared.
Yet, you showed me
We should all face at least one fear each year.
I admit,
That was fair.

And with no regrets, I respect you for that
Yes, you changed a part of me
And for that,
You,
I could never neglect

Together we've loved
Apart we've grown
Now, time is bypassing
And it's time to move on
No longer do I hold on
No longer do I show despair
And never will I forget
The good times we've shared

Self

2007-10-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

She went from main jawn to side jawn to something in the ride jawn.
Lowering her standards, trying to find love
With her own tears she couldn’t even define love
Because of her own fear she hid what was inside, Love
A bona fide sister went right down the drain
She didn’t want to feel lonely so she rather take the pain.
Giving her all trying to satisfy any ol' lame
Her beauty and her intellect she refused to blame

Suddenly, with no remorse, she got on her horse
And traveled through dark woods searching and searching, trying to find Self
The self that was mistreated and disguised
The self that held her confidence and pride
The self that understood that through GOD, loneliness never arrives
The self that knew that, unexpectedly love will surprise
The self that is now being taught that love starts from within
Now self will like to repent
For allowing Satan to strike once again

Eventually, she becomes reunited with her self-esteem
Though this time,
With GOD she plays as a team
A bond, in which, not even Satan can break the seam.

2007-10-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

What the Hell is Patience?

Is it when he is upset and cursing about how bad his day went at work and you comfort him by bringing out the bright side of things or when you make him laugh and he forgets whatever happened to him that day at work?

Is it when you go to leave a comment on his myspace page and there are already so many girls who already sent him comments and you do it anyway . . . just because?

Is it when he decides to watch Sunday football all damn day instead of doing his homework and you get him to turn off the TV so he can get some work done?

Is it when you call him in the morning to make sure he gets to work on time?

Is it when you play that girlfriend role in his life even if he already got one-just to bring some happiness into his love life?

Is it when you show him and tell him how much you appreciates him and all he say is that’s sweet or I like you too?

Is it when you stick by his side week after week- month after month and all he says is: be patient?

What the hell is patience?

Somebody please tell me?

Am I patiently pouring my heart out to someone who doesn’t know how hard it is to be patient?

Am I patiently pouring me heart out to someone who doesn’t really want me to be his girl, but doesn’t know how to say it?

Or is it that I just don’t know what the hell patience is?

Somebody, please tell me-what the hell is patience.

How much patience can a girl have when feelings are involved?

What the hell is patience?

Signing off curious, confused, and hurt . . .

Are You A Listener or A Speaker?

2007-10-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

“I Wish She Would Shut

Her Big Mouth!”

“I Swear He Doesn’t Know

Anything!”

There are many attitudes and actions that are valued by America. One action that is valued by America is voicing your opinions and or believes. Another action is being a good listener. In a classroom setting, the teacher or professor enforces these values through class participation. So what happens if there is only one student raising his or her hand and answering all the questions? Or what happens if there is only one student who doesn’t participate?

Such behaviors influence people to develop assumptions about both the speaker and the listener. For example, the listener may make up an assumption about the speaker similar to this: Oh she swears she knows it all or he’s a nerd. The speaker may make an assumption about the listeners such as: What he didn’t do his homework or oh that girl doesn’t know anything.

Of course there is always that teacher or professor who calls on a student who often remains silent during class discussions. This is an awkward situation for both the speaker and the listener because the speaker is forced to listen and the listener is forced to speak.

Throughout my career as a student, I have always spoken out because my family taught me that it is a good thing to speak out on behalf of one's opinions and beliefs. In my own mind, I thought, that listening was easier to do because it didn't require critical thinking. So, I thought I should obey my family’s values while challenging myself by speaking out every chance I got.

Surprisingly, It wasn’t until I got to college, that I realized that listening is a rather challenging task. I would become anxious and later furious when my professors constantly skipped over my hand, even when it was the first hand raised. Eventually, I began to analyze the situation. I would think to myself maybe I should give my colleagues an opportunity to speak up and allow myself to work on my listening skills. Hey, I might even learn a thing or two. And before you knew it, the professor was calling on me because I wasn’t raising my hand anymore. Why? Because I was being the listener! When the professor called on me that brought out that speaker that was embedded in my personality and before you knew it I was back to normal; constantly raising my hand and answering all the questions.

So the next time you think, oh I wish she would shut her big mouth or I swear he doesn’t know anything, try taking a risk by stepping out of your comfort zone to see how easy it is for you to shut up or speak out. Also, be aware that it is possible for your weaknesses to emerge from you strengths and for your strengths to emerge from our weakness.

Their New World

2007-10-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

She was fed up with listening to the lies of her ex-boyfriend. He would say things like I’m going to call you or I'm coming over and never call or showed up unless he wanted something. For some strange reason she would always cater to his desires. Unconsciously, she developed a particular immunity for guys like him. She accepted these liars and deceivers because she thought they were the only ones that exist.

So, one day she meets a guy that is honest, respectful, intelligent, ambitious, and pleasant. She dismisses him. She thinks he is a weirdo simply because he is different than the others. He compliments her, teaches her new things, and introduces her to another world. His world. The world, in which, happiness, admiration, acceptance, and encouragement exists.

Day by day, he convinces her that he is not weird, but unique. Later, she begins to develop ardent feeling for him. Before you know it, he is the only boy she constantly talks, writes, thinks, and dreams about. She is amazed to see how “Mr. Weirdo” drastically transforms into “Mr. Right”. She often wonders why was she so ignorant and close-minded to his type in the first place.

She talks to GOD to ask him why is this man in her life. She wants to know things like: How long is he here to stay? How long is it before her heart gets broken? Is this real? Is he real? Should she hesitate on becoming emotionally involved with him or should she set her feelings free? She wants answers because she wants the best for both of them.

Her questions are answered and she obeys GOD by putting her guard down. As her relationship with “Mr. Right” progresses she learns to become humble and patient. Her happiness allows her to please GOD more and more everyday.

Then, one day, she begins to worry. She recognizes his relationships with other girls. She sees that the other girls are desperate to be with him sexually. This makes her sick to her stomach. She asks herself, how could these females disrespect themselves like this? What did he say to these girls for them to become so desperate? She thought maybe she shouldn’t consider a relationship with him because she thought she would appear to be desperate like the others. Of course she was never known to be desperate and couldn’t possibly see herself characterized by such a sinful word.

So she confronted him with this issue. He told her that those girls didn’t mean anything to him and that he liked her because she was more mature than them. After their conversation she realizes that the reason they both liked each other was because of their unique personalities. She found out that he was the most amazing guy she has ever met because he was the opposite of the guys she was used to. Similarly, he found out that she was a wonderful person because she was the different than the girls he was used to.

Now she only accept guys like him and the other guys are invisible to her. His world is now her new world and her world his his new world and the two settles for nothing less.

Hoping That One Day He Will Be Mine

2007-09-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

It is his text messages I wake up to and his voice that I go to sleep to.
It is how I cannot go a day without knowing how his day went.
It is the long conversations we share.
It is the late nights he stays up with me.
It is his personality, his humor, and his intellect that keeps me interested.
It is his swagger that makes him different from all the others.
It is how he encourages me to stay on top of my game.
It is how he read all my blogs just to show me that I have his undivided-attention.
It is how he helps make my best better and my better best.
It is how he holds my hand when I am scared.
It is how he always has the right answers when I question him.
It is the “what ifs” that keep me wondering.
What if . . .I could deliver him from his nerve wrecking girlfriend?
What if . . .I could be his morning sun and his night star?
What if . . . he could take a romantic walk down Penn’s Landing with me?
What if . . . we could share our jokes and laughter under the moonlight?
What if . . . I had my way like Chrisette Michele?
What if . . .I was Cinderella and he was the Prince?
Random “what ifs” that is always on my mind.
They constantly rewind time after time.
Hoping and hoping that one-day he will be mine.

-Erica Garner

2007-09-24T19:24:00.000-07:00

A Tribute to Don Minus The Bars “Ten Things Women Do To Drive Men Away”

#1o Engaging in a power struggle???

I have found that it is normally the male, who thinks that a man is suppose to bring home more money, have more physical and emotional strength, and be sport-orientated as opposed to females who are illustrated to be poor (on welfare), emotional, and art- orientated. Woman struggle over power because they are feed up with being perceived as weaker or less than a person. These stereotypes and setbacks women had to overcome derived from men. We had to fight to vote, fight to go to school, fight to be in a play etc. So you are telling me we now have to fight with our inner self to be accepted by males? We have overcame many barriers, but such things like a woman makes $0.77 for each $1 a man makes in the same job position or how there has never been a woman president is just ridiculous! As long as inequality exist woman will always try to out do a man. You say that woman engaging in a power struggle runs a man way. Is it because woman can be so damn powerful that they are intimidating? So we are suppose to shrink to keep you man around???? I would rather stay single if I ever have to be less than the woman I am to keep an insure man around! No offence Guys! This is Real Talk!

Artificial Love

2007-09-18T21:53:00.000-07:00

That feeling you get when he tells you he loves you on the first date. How his firm voice whisper it in the phone night after night. Those three words that really only mean that he would like to get you in bed as soon as possible and will say anything to get you where he want you. You feel a sudden shiver through your body. It makes your heart warm and soul a bit satisfied.

Your intuition tells you it isn’t real, but your heart has long for this enjoyable feeling. You heart and your mind are now in conflict. The mind knows that falling in love happens over time. The heart feels any love is acceptable. The mind objects after a flashback of the last abusive relationship the two endured. The heart feels that love is a necessity and it is willing to settle.

****************************

That feeling you get when she calls you daddy. How her well-developed body, glossed lips, lustrous skin, and sincere eyes taunts you. Those four perfected features she primped for hours are enough for her to suck your pockets dry. You get this sudden erection when she tells you to meet her in room 6 at the Marriott. Then she kisses you on the lips at the cessation of the date. It aids your ego and makes you feel macho.

Your blood is pumping violently and you are impatient. Your instinct tells you to slow down. Your mind and your desires are in disagreement. The mind knows that one-night stands are not healthy. The desire wants anything that is pleasurable. The mind discommended after reliving a dreadful visit to the clinic. The mind is defeated by the desire.

Artificial love is that sudden passion that can derive from deceit. Artificial love is lust disguised as love. Artificial love is when a person associates or marries a person for financial gain. Artificial love is pretending to have ardent feelings for someone. Although, artificial love can be unexpected or tricky, do not surrender upon it. Force your mind to fight that heart and that desire that makes you want to capitulate. You saw the effects of artificial love so play your part smart because now the ball is in your court. What will be your next move his “I love you be” or her “gold digging room at the Marriott”?

-Erica Garner

The Minute You Crossed Me Was the Minute You Lost Me

2007-09-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

He can walk-in my life as fast as he wants, but if he ever crosses me, I’ll have him changing directions as fast as I want. Maybe I did let him in my life too fast. I was too much of a woman for him anyway. I am not upset. I’m simply stating the truth.

Today on the radio (100.3 the beat) they said, “Statistics proves that 99% of men will cheat or have cheated on their spouse.” When I heard this, my response was, “uuuhh huhh” because as long as it may have taken me to realize this, I already knew the deal. Actually, I thought I was the only one aware of this. Lets face it, ladies and gents; there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. So stop saying, “I know my baby won’t do nothing to hurt me.” Truth is, we are all cowards when cheating comes into play. Nobody is going to admit to doing such an indecent thing, merely because it is easier and less painful to conceal it. So stop getting yourself all worked up when someone cheats on you. It is not the end of the world.

I have often realize that after one’s infidelities have been revealed the two then depart. Normally, the victim tries to get revenge before he or she moves on. So when he or she does moves on, again the same thing happens. That brings me to these questions. What is the point of breaking up with someone and moving on when the next person does the same thing? Why not stick in there and try to make it work? Are you afriad it may happen again? Most people do not become stereotypical after their first time being cheated on. However, after the second or maybe the third time, a person begins to acknowledge certain patterns and often begin to develop stereotypes. Some stereotypes are as follows:

Ø All men are cheaters.
Ø All women are whores.
Ø Black women like to argue.
Ø All men are heartbreakers.

Cheating is a sin that is widely committed. Think of love as a game. In every game there is at least one cheater. I’m not telling you that your lover is a cheater. I’m informing you that there will always be a possibility. So don’t be naïve or close minded because a close mind is a mind of ignorance.

-Erica Garner
September 7, 2007

What Ever Happened to the Good Brothers?

2007-09-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

What Ever Happened to the Good Brothers?

He was used to girls using him for money, but I didn’t need a sugar daddy. I couldn’t see myself as a “hustler’s wife” anyway. Why is it that most of the boys my age either sell drugs and/or do drugs? I can understand that boys need money to survive. I mean who doesn’t? So go get some slacks that are not falling off your behind, a button-up, a resume, and fill out some applications for crying out loud. So what the employer don’t call you back. Call the employer back so he/she can realize how serious you are. I am a woman who holds her own. I know it’s not easy and working at Mickey D’s is not the dream job, but it damn sure is a start. I can honestly say my Mickey D’s job helped me to survive.

Look Out Because Fast Money is Not the Best Money!

It is sad to see so many black boys of my generation in jail or dead. That leaves me with no hope. So you are trying to tell me when I do graduate from college there won’t be anybody out there for me? Black brothers, do us ladies a favor. Don’t limit your self to a jail sell or six feet under. Believe it or not some of us need a man to support us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But, as they always say, “A good man is hard to find.”

- Erica Garner

I Want To Be . . .

2007-09-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

I want to be the woman that stands out because of her
Courage, hard work, and eloquence.
I want to be respected, idolized, and loved.
I want be humbly, confident.
I want to be a woman who lives life for GOD.
I want to be a woman who lives life in happiness and peace.
I want to be a woman who warms the hearts of everyone with just a smile.
I want to be a woman of many accomplishments.
I want to be a . . .
College graduate,
A registered nurse,
A fashion designer,
A full-figured model,
And a writer.
I want to be a wife and a mother someday.
I want to be a woman of no limitations.
For the sky is not the limit,
But a midpoint to my all my destinies.
-Erica Garner

About Me

2007-09-04T23:31:00.001-07:00

I am a sister of three brothers, one being younger than me. I was born and raised in North Philly. Unfortunately, domestic issues caused me to take flight to the Northeast suburbs with one of my brothers. I considered myself as independent every since the age fourteen when I got my first job at the Athletic Recreation Center. I went from job to job, from buying my own clothes to helping my mother pay bills, and now having to pay my own bills. Also, I’ve always loved school and would cry whenever I had to stay home due to snowstorms or sore throats. All the teachers I ever had loved me, but not exactly a teacher’s pet. It was the fact that I was always eager to learn, determined to be the best, and challenged others to work to their fullest potential.

In addition, I have always been easily inspired. I was inspired to get out of the “hood” from watching my brother move from North Philly to the Northeast, inspired to become a model from watching America’s Next Top Model, inspired to be a fashion designer from making Barbie clothes out of old socks, inspired to become a Reregister Nurse from my childhood dream career, inspired to become a schoolteacher from tutoring everyone in the neighborhood, inspired to become a rapper from listening to my brothers and cousins rap, inspired to become an artist from falling in love with my very first art class, and inspired to become a writer from writing in my diary and reading Philly’s Andrea blogs. Of all these things the thing I love most is writing. Writing allows me to express my emotions, cleanse my soul, explore my imagination, plan my goals, to get over a lover, to evaluate myself, and more.

In the past years I have learned a lot. It was quite hard moving from girlhood to womanhood. Even though, it was painful and stressful it was also an experience that was worth while. I remember when boys didn't even notice me, but as soon as I got breast I couldn't fight them off! (lol) I have been in numerous relationships and I can honestly say I do not regret any of them because each one taught me something. I just thank GOD that it didn't take a baby to teach me any lessons. Throughout life no matter what my struggles were, I never allowed them to make me lose my faith and determination. I been through so many changes and sometimes I find myself crying everyday. I use to wonder why my life was so terrible. Now I know why because like they say what don't kill you only makes you stronger. Considering all the things I have been through I think I am strong enough to bench press the world! (lol)

In closing, I would just like to thank those who believed in me and fought this battle called life with me because it was a hell of a journey and to think it's just getting started is too overwhelming. Time is flying by too fast and I sometimes wish it were more hours in a day and more months in a year.

Let It Go!

2007-09-04T21:24:00.001-07:00

They say if you love someone then you got to let him/her go. If he/she comes back then that means so much more. But if he/she never comes back then at least you will know that was someone you had to love in order to grow.

I once had a boyfriend who I loved so much. I mean he was always on my mind, we spent a lot of time together, and we loved each other so deeply. We even had a word we would say to each other. Forever. Forever would mean forever we would love each other, forever we would be together, forever we would be there for each other, etc. Being in love with him felt soooo good; it just felt so right. I thought that was the boy I would marry someday and I wanted him to father my children someday. Until this day I still feel the same way about him no matter what we went through.

Now of course he broke up with me due to my insecurities or my female intuition shall I say. I always said, “You can’t have a relationship without trust”. Yeah, I trusted him for years and still do, but when someone starts changing his/her ways and attitudes that trust turns into curiosity. I had to ask myself a question. Do I trust him enough not to “change” without informing me, (his lover) -what is causing this “change”? Change can definitely cause a relationship to deline.

Here’s an example, when Sasha menstruates she normally makes her boyfriend aware of that “change”, but this month she menstruated for an entire month without letting her boyfriend know because she was afraid. So when Sasha and her boyfriend go to sleep at night, she doesn’t want to be bothered. Therefore, her boyfriend assumes that she is cheating and decides to have sex with someone else. In reality, Sasha is carrying their embryo in her uterus. See how change can affect a relationship? Change was just something I couldn’t accept and I just had to investigate. So I asked him if he was cheating a few times, but so what, what was I supposed to do?

After the brake up I was heartbroken and I wanted to get over him so I got other boyfriends, but I would always compare them to him. Soon I developed the ability to see through boys. Well, not exactly see through them, but to be able to get in their heads to determine what exactly they wanted out of the relationship. Soon enough I found my self to be single for a year. I was still thinking about my ex as well as talking to him. Before I knew it, we started started catching feeling for each other. I asked him about commitment, but he said, "I do not want to be committed.

Obviously, I didn’t care because I kept him around. When I went off to college I started to evaluate myself. I said to myself, “Erica you are out of character. Control yourself because you are better than that and you deserve so much more. It’s time to let it go.”

So ladies if you found yourself in the same predicament just let it go because you deserve so much more. In the case that he comes back, make him work! Girl, all them tears you shed over him, why not make him work? Most importantly cherish that boy because it's not too many boys out here who can admit to their wrongs and compromise. In the case he never returns take it as a life lesson that will strengthen you in your next relationship.

-Erica Garner

Are We Talking High Class or Haute Couture?

2007-09-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

By Erica Garner

Summer 2006

Everyday we are surrounded by international fashion, but what is international fashion? International fashion is an on-going popularity contest. Fashion is the way you dress with the style of your choice. Fashion is an enormous business, which includes more people than any other business in the world; from consumers to the manufacturers.

International fashion is basically “high class” fashion. It consists of clothes, shoes, and accessories made by world famous designers. Sometimes you may see a model modeling a $50,000 outfit that may look weird to you, but it takes a big spender with style to buy it.

When it comes to fashion there is always competition. In the international world of fashion models compete with other fashion models, designers compete with designers, and photographers compete with other photographers. High Class fashion is fashion determined by a small group of men and women with a specific taste and authority in the fashion business. These people are normally the rich folks who are buyers for major department stores, editors and writers for fashion magazines. Some of the expensive, artistic fashions may become world wide, but most stay on the runway.

In the field of fashion you will always deal with change. New trends come and go with each season. New ideas are always hitting the market. The new ideas either flop or blow up, worldwide. For example, in the 1700’s women and dressmakers outside the French court depended on sketches to see what was going on in the fashion industry. The famous king of France, Louis XIV said that “fashion is like a mirror” and he was renowned for his style, which included extravagant laces and velvets.

Music, movies, videos, books, culture, musical icons, political figures, and royalty often influence fashion. Movies are a big influence and it was said that Ray–Ban sold more sunglasses after the movie Men In Black than the history of the company. Also, in the 1950’s teenagers everywhere dressed like Elvis Presley.

This season we are seeing old houses of Laurent, Oscar del La renta, and Channel stay to their true ways inspiring us with their techniques while some what newcomers like Sassy Bella make their mark in the rough and rowdy fashion world.

Vogue, one of the leading fashion magazines and the fashionesstas bible, declares that for the fall we will see the return of the bubble, a technique that flairs the skirt out just below the waist, our friend fur is still fabulous, as well as a lot of use of metallics and layering. We really may see a use of the Napoleonic style of dress. No matter what comes our fashion way it is ultimately up to you to have high class or no class!

~Ciao!

Flavor Cravers

2007-09-03T00:14:00.000-07:00

Boys come in so many flavors.
The rotten ones are always the cravers.
It’s the Ike Turner,
The sex burner,
The cheaters,
The leavers,
The baby makers,
The heartbreakers,
The drug dealers,
The evil killers.
These are some of the rotten boy thrillers.
These are trifling brothers.
Won’t you find another?
Like a money maker,
A life savor,
A lovebird,
A cute nerd,
A teddy bear,
The one you don’t fear,
The boy that cares,
The boy that’s always there.
There are so many flavor cravers.
Which one do you favor?

-Erica Garner

Ooops. . . I Spilled My Love!

2007-09-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

He writes me letters,
But all I can think about is you.
That’s all I really think about,
Is you.
When I’m alone at home
Or when my mind wanders.
After all this time we haven’t been together,
I still think about you.
Telling others as well as myself,
That I am so over you . . .
Deep down inside even I knew this wasn’t true.
I’m too afraid of rejection to really tell you this myself
He loves that girl Erica
Is my constant reminder not to spill the beans if you know what I mean?

I’m afraid!
Afraid? You may ask.
Yes, afraid!
That you might not feel the same way about me . . .
Or afraid of making a fool of myself.
Desperate is not what I you to see me as.

See me as strong –
For my strength comes from other who are stronger.
See me as potential-
For my mind is potent and my goals are tangible;
Within my reach.
See me as loyal-
For when I’m committed,
I stick with it.
See me as many other character traits . . .
Because my personality is forever blooming.
I do not limit myself to be only one way,
But I can see myself with only one guy.

I see something special in you.
For some reason when you held me, when you kissed me . . .
I really felt love.
It was a feeling I never felt with any other guy.
I mean I search high and low through the bob and the flow for my soul mate.
And did a lot of dumb shit looking for a soul to match.

Sometimes, I can’t even talk about you to my friends
Because they disrespect you and down me for even talking to you.

I just try to justify you hurting me,
Justify you only telling me you love me because she hurt you,
Justify you only calling me because she did something wrong.
I told you, “if you don’t want me then don’t talk to me”.
But in turn that wasn’t what you wanted,
But still you wanted to be wanted to be with her.

I can’t figure you out . . .
It’s killing me inside!
Why hasn’t the love died?
Does it feed on time?
Why aren’t we together?
They say people come in your life for a reason,
A season,
Or lifetime.
Maybe it’s
A reason because we have seen many seasons
Or maybe it’s a lifetime . . .
- Erica Garner

What Are You Afraid OF?

2007-09-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

What Are You Afraid OF?

GOD asked me, “What are you afraid of?”
And I said, “I’m afraid of dying
Because I’m going to miss my friends and family
I’m afraid of being lonely
Because there would be no one to love me,
No one to hug me.
I’m afraid of being disobedient
Because I don’t want you to send me downstairs,
To burn is what I fear in a H-E double L cell
I’m afraid of falling in love
Because I don’t want to get heartbroken
Plus I’m sensitive and I don’t want me shirt to get soaked.”

And you know what he said unto me?
HE said, “Girl, I got your back . . .
Don’t be afraid of death,
Your family and friends will find you just go forward and don’t look behind you
Don’t be afraid of being lonely,
I’ll find you a man that will love you, a man that will hug you.
Don’t be afraid of being disobedient,
I’m the way just follow me I paved the path that you will see.
Don’t be afraid of falling in love
I’ll find you that man, who will protect, a man who will respect you,
And that soaked shirt you’ll get that back too.”

I opened my eyes and I saw something shine
Now I know what they mean when they say GOD is good all the time.

I am From . . .

2007-09-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

We are all from different places, which makes us unique. Coming from a different background help shape our personalities and our dreams, which creates diversity. You will never really understand a person until you know their past so here's a poem about where I am from.

I am From
I am from a place where many are unfortunate,
From a place where majority struggles,
And where drugs are sold in order to feed a family.
I am from a place where there are broken families,
Where lovers are cheaters,
Where baby fathers are leavers,
Where Ike hits Tina,
Where HIV is an epidemic,
Where children are reproducing
Where killing becomes a hobby,
And where education is unimportant.

Fortunately, I am from a family where everyone cares
And making jokes and laughing are our only remedies.
I am from a father who calls me Suga Butt and who is delightfully loquacious.
I am from a mother who sings loud, but annoyingly pleasing.
I am from an eldest brother who took me in his home, taught me to be athletic,
And promised me a belly ring for when I become skinny.
I am from an elder brother,
Who is very artistic,
Who writes his rhymes and draws his pictures in all my notebooks.
I am from a younger brother, who I truly love,
But often tamper with his temper just to make fun.
I am From North Philly, which is
Better known as “the hood”,
But most importantly,

I am from a family who genuinely loves and lives life to it’s fullest.

- Erica Garner